Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
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