I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
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