Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
