how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
