At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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