explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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