you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
