I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
