why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
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