College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
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