How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
This house was built for laser tag.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize
