Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
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