I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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