WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
