I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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