Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize