You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize
