i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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