your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Can vaginas get frostbite?
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Randomize
