I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
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