Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
