She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
