Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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