I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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