Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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