are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
