They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Drunk is not a location!
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
