I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
