i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
