I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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