porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
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