just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
he high fived his dick after we had sex
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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