Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Michael Bay diarrhea
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
