so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
