I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Randomize
