Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
