Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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