She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
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