Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
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