So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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