just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
