my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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