No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
