I'd wear matching sweaters with you
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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