I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
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