It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Randomize
