She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
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