I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
