He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
