I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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