You made me cry and you don't even care
I think I died a long time ago.
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize