I can text with my tongue
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I don't want my vagina anymore.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
