I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Randomize
