this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
