He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
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