We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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