I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
