I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
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