last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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