I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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