The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
