I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
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