Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Randomize