I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
