you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Im part way to drunk.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
