Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Randomize