He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Randomize
