i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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