If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
