I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
